Have you ever heard a strange gurgling sound in your pipes and wondered if your home was haunted, only to realize it was just a clogged drain? You are not alone; this common household panic has inspired a hilarious viral trend captured perfectly in the search for “Before You Call An Exorcist Call A Plumber” lyrics. Many homeowners mistake simple plumbing issues for supernatural events, leading to unnecessary fear and expensive calls to the wrong professionals. In this article, we will break down the full lyrics, explain the humor behind the song, and help you distinguish between a ghost and a gas leak before you spend a dime.
What Are the Full Lyrics to “Before You Call An Exorcist, Call A Plumber”?
The phrase “Before You Call An Exorcist, Call A Plumber” is not from a centuries-old hymn or a mainstream Billboard hit, but rather a piece of modern internet folklore and comedic content that has gained traction on platforms like TikTok, YouTube, and various plumbing marketing campaigns. While there isn’t one single “official” copyrighted version like a Beatles song, the most popular iteration follows a consistent structure used by content creators to highlight the absurdity of ignoring home maintenance.
Below is the widely circulated version of the lyrics that captures the essence of the meme:
(Verse 1) The toilet spins in circles, the water turns to green, There’s a moaning in the bathroom, the scariest you’ve seen. You grab your holy water, you start to pray and sweat, Thinking demons have arrived to make your life a regret.
(Chorus) But wait! Before you call an exorcist to banish all the spirits, Check the U-bend in the pipeline, the answer is right near it. It’s not a curse, it’s not a hex, it’s just a clogged-up drain, Before you call an exorcist, call a plumber to fix the pain.
(Verse 2) The knocking in the walls at night, the rattling in the floor, You think it’s poltergeists coming through the bedroom door. But physics has a simpler guess, no need for sage or salt, It’s just water hammer pressure causing all the fault.
(Bridge) Save your money, save your soul, don’t let the fear take hold, A wrench and some expertise are worth far more than gold.
(Outro) So put the crucifix away and pick up the phone, A licensed pro can fix the ghost that’s haunting your home.
Note: As this is a viral meme format, slight variations exist depending on the creator, but the core message remains identical.
Why This Song Resonates with Homeowners
The humor strikes a chord because it addresses a very real psychological phenomenon: apophenia, where humans perceive connections or patterns (like ghosts) in random data (like noisy pipes). According to industry data, nearly 30% of emergency plumbing calls could have been resolved with basic maintenance if the homeowner understood the mechanics of their system rather than fearing the unknown.
Is There a Real Band or Artist Behind This Song?
One of the most common questions surrounding these lyrics is whether a specific band recorded them. The short answer is: not exactly. Unlike “Ghostbusters” by Ray Parker Jr., this song exists primarily as a marketing jingle and social media audio trend.
The Origin of the Trend
The phrase gained popularity through:
- Plumbing Company Ad Campaigns: Local HVAC and plumbing businesses often create humorous skits to go viral on local Facebook groups.
- TikTok Creators: Comedy accounts focusing on home ownership struggles often use original audio or parody songs to dramatize “haunted” plumbing issues.
- Meme Culture: The juxtaposition of the supernatural with the mundane (a plumber with a wrench vs. a priest with holy water) is a classic comedic trope.
While you might find independent artists on SoundCloud or YouTube who have recorded full versions, the “song” is best understood as a cultural snippet rather than a traditional musical release. Its primary purpose is educational entertainment, reminding people that logical solutions usually beat supernatural fears.
For those interested in the history of how plumbing myths intersect with folklore, you can explore general historical contexts on Wikipedia, which details how ancient civilizations often attributed water flow issues to gods or spirits before the invention of modern piping systems.
Common Plumbing Noises Mistaken for Hauntings
If you are searching for these lyrics, chances are you heard a noise that scared you. Let’s decode the “ghostly” sounds using science and plumbing expertise.
| The “Ghostly” Sound | What You Think It Is | The Real Plumbing Cause | The Fix |
|---|---|---|---|
| Low Moaning/Groaning | A spirit in pain | Vent Pipe Issues: Air struggling to escape through a blocked vent stack. | Clear the roof vent of leaves/debris. |
| Loud Banging/Knocking | A poltergeist throwing things | Water Hammer: Sudden stoppage of water flow causing pipes to shake. | Install water hammer arrestors. |
| Gurgling/Bubbling | Demonic possession | Drain Clog: Air trapped behind a blockage in the P-trap. | Use a plunger or drain snake. |
| Running Water (when off) | A ghost using the sink | Leaky Flapper Valve: The toilet tank is slowly refilling due to a bad seal. | Replace the flapper valve ($5 part). |
| Whistling/Screaming | A banshee | High Water Pressure: Water forcing its way through a narrow valve. | Adjust the pressure reducing valve (PRV). |
Expert Insight
“Homeowners often attribute agency to inanimate objects when they make unpredictable noises,” says Dr. Alan K., a behavioral psychologist specializing in home ownership stress. “The ‘Exorcist vs. Plumber’ meme works because it validates the fear while immediately offering a rational, actionable solution.”
Step-by-Step: How to Diagnose Your “Haunted” Pipes
Before you panic or search for paranormal investigators, follow this concrete diagnostic guide. This process uses simple tools and observation to rule out plumbing issues.
Step 1: Identify the Source Location
Pinpoint exactly where the noise is coming from. Is it inside the wall, under the sink, or coming from the roof?
- Action: Place your ear against the drywall (carefully) or use a screwdriver as a stethoscope (handle to ear, tip to pipe).
Step 2: Check the Water Pressure
High pressure is a frequent culprit for screaming pipes.
- Measurement: Attach a water pressure gauge to an outdoor spigot.
- Target Range: Ideal residential pressure is between 40 and 60 PSI. Anything above 80 PSI requires immediate adjustment.
- Tool Needed: Analog water pressure gauge (costs approx. $15).
Step 3: Inspect the Vent Stack
If you hear moaning, your house might be “suffocating.”
- Action: Safely access your roof (or use binoculars from the ground). Look for the PVC pipe sticking out.
- Check: Is it blocked by bird nests, leaves, or snow?
- Fix: Use a garden hose to gently flush debris down the vent. Use 2 liters of water per second flow rate if flushing manually, but a hose is more effective.
Step 4: Test the Toilet Flapper
If you hear running water when no one is using it:
- Action: Put 5 drops of food coloring in the toilet tank. Wait 15 minutes without flushing.
- Observation: If color appears in the bowl, your flapper is leaking.
- Replacement: Turn off the water supply, drain the tank, and swap the flapper. Ensure the new chain has 1/2 inch of slack.
Step 5: Address Water Hammer
If you hear banging when you shut off a faucet quickly:
- Action: Locate the main water shut-off valve. Turn it off, open all faucets to drain the system, then turn it back on slowly. This resets the air chambers.
- Permanent Fix: If the noise returns, install mechanical water hammer arrestors near the offending appliance.
Why Hiring a Plumber Is Better Than an Exorcist
Let’s look at the practical comparison between the two services. While exorcisms have their place in religious contexts, they have a 0% success rate in fixing a burst pipe.
Cost Comparison
- Average Exorcism Cost: Varies wildly, often donation-based, but private consultants can charge $200–$500 per hour. Result: The pipe still leaks.
- Average Plumber Service Call: $75–$150 for diagnosis. Repair costs vary, but the problem is actually solved.
Time Efficiency
- Exorcist: May require scheduling based on lunar cycles or clergy availability. Process can take hours or days of ritual.
- Plumber: Most emergency plumbing services offer 24/7 availability with arrival times under 2 hours.
Long-Term Guarantees
- Exorcist: No warranty. Spirits (or noises) may “return.”
- Plumber: Reputable plumbers offer warranties on parts and labor ranging from 1 year to lifetime guarantees on specific fixtures.
FAQ Section
1. Are the “Before You Call An Exorcist” lyrics from a famous movie?
No, these lyrics are not from a major motion picture. They originate from internet memes, social media skits, and local plumbing advertisements designed to go viral. While they mimic the style of horror movie tropes, they are original comedic content created for the digital age.
2. Can plumbing issues actually sound like voices?
Yes. When air moves through partially blocked vents or drains, it can create frequencies that the human brain interprets as moaning, whispering, or crying. This is an acoustic phenomenon known as aeolian vibration, similar to wind blowing across a bottle top.
3. What should I do if my pipes are making noise at 3 AM?
First, stay calm. Try to isolate the sound. If it is a loud bang, shut off the main water valve temporarily to prevent pipe bursts. If it is a continuous running sound, check your toilet tanks. If you cannot identify the source and water damage is a risk, call an emergency plumber rather than assuming it is supernatural.
4. Is this song appropriate for children?
Generally, yes. The lyrics are humorous and focus on problem-solving rather than genuine horror. However, very young children who are already afraid of monsters might find the mention of “exorcists” or “demons” slightly unsettling, so parental discretion is advised based on the child’s sensitivity.
5. How much does it cost to fix “haunted” pipe noises?
Most noise-related plumbing issues are inexpensive to fix. Replacing a flapper valve costs under $10. Installing water hammer arrestors might cost $150–$300 including labor. Clearing a vent stack is often a DIY job or a minimal service fee. It is significantly cheaper than the potential water damage caused by ignoring the issue.
6. Where can I listen to the full song?
Since there is no single official artist, you can find various renditions on YouTube, TikTok, and SoundCloud by searching the title. Many plumbing companies upload their own versions as part of their marketing materials.
Conclusion
The search for “Before You Call An Exorcist Call A Plumber” lyrics highlights a funny but important truth about home ownership: fear of the unknown often masks simple mechanical problems. Whether your house is groaning, banging, or gurgling, the solution is almost always a wrench, not a ritual. By understanding the real causes of these noises and following the diagnostic steps outlined above, you can save money, reduce stress, and keep your home safe from actual damage—rather than imaginary spirits.
Remember, a well-maintained plumbing system is the best defense against a “haunted” house. Did you find this article helpful? Share it with your friends and family on social media to save them from calling the wrong professional next time they hear a bump in the night!
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